Raw

This feels raw
Unable to assertain the definitions of my feelings
Not able to understand the rhyme nor reason
Incapable of grasping any corner of hope
Too willing to have a glimmer of coping skills
To make it through this pained moment
And as the skies open up through the clouds
I still feel foggy
For it was love that was the biggest lie
That pushed my heart over to the side
And walked out through the door
Into the great known; for it was the door which led OUTSIDE our home
And into a dangerous place
And the saddest part is that you did not notice
The look of heartache on my face
Did not see the watery seas which were my eyes
Nor did you hear my hidden cries
Could you not FEEL that I needed you
To hold me up, instead of knocking me down
Towards the floor, even underneigth where the crawlers lurk
It was the distance which handed out that final blow
To make me realize that we were no more
What I always thought us to be:
Two hearts that would beat as one;
But you only maintain the beat of one drum
Not of partnership, so I was the fool
Who thought you were my protector, not my deliverer of doom
Not the one who would hurt me with non-trust
And shush me into silence, not wanting to hear
That I needed you; I guess I didn't make that clear
Or did I?
I think I did...but you don't care, only what matters is what you said
And what you say
And what you think
And what you want
As if my needs are minute fragments
Of a fool's play things
Won't taste me because I'm sour to you
Won't embrace me because it's not the needs of you
Won't protect me because you simply do not care
But I want to thank-you, my darling dear
For the one and only gift you gave to me
The knowledge of what it feels like to not matter at all
Yes,
This feels raw
Copyright ©2008 Attica Lundy